I'm Gonna Get Ya, Girl
by Melon Dollar Baby
Summary: TinaXZeke. Could be seen as a selection of oneshots but will probably form a cohesive story because I'm a sucker for punishment. I'll change the description when I decide what I'm Earth I'm doing with this story. Rated T in case I have a bad day and get a bit edgy
1. The Slowdance to End All Dances

Tina ran out of the school hall, somehow managing to groan in despair the entire time, whilst panting breathlessly. Making her way down the school steps, she threw herself onto the bottom one and let out the loudest groan of them all. The cold night air made the red hot tears burn against her cheeks, but she couldn't help it. They kept pouring out, one after another. She reached into her silver bag and pulled out the emergency phone.

"Mom?"

"Tina!" Linda exclaimed, "Are you ready to be picked up? It's still early!"

"I'm coming home!" Tina exclaimed, "Jimmy Jr is dancing with Tammy and she touched his butt and I don't know if it was an accident but it probably wasn't and I need to come home and burn all my friendfiction."

Bob looked up from the sofa as he heard his daughter crying down the phone.

"What's going on?"

"Jimmy Jr is dancing with that Tammy girl. You know, the loud mean one."

Bob raised his eyebrows.

"Oh. I mean, is Tina okay?" Just as he asked, Tina let out a giant groan followed by a cacophony of phlegmy sobbing noises. He looked back down at his paper, "Never mind."

"Oh, Tina, baby," Linda cooed to her heartbroken daughter, "Do you want me to come pick you up?"

"Yeah. Leave it a few moments though. Jimmy Jr might come running back to apologise for a moment of madness and then we'll live happily ever after and touch each other's butts."

Besides, Tina needed to calm down. If her parents - or even worse - her siblings saw her in this state, Jimmy Jr would be in serious danger. You don't upset a Belcher and get away with it.

"If you're sure, sweetie," her mother replied, unconvinced, "Don't get your hopes up, though."

"It happened in American Horror Story. You know, the first one with that house," Bob corrected.

"Yeah because the other woman gets killed with a spade, Bob!"

"I could do that," Tina added. Her mother shook her head at Bob.

"No, don't do that Tina. We'll just shove some cockroaches in her locker. Your father will be there in five, okay?"

And with that, Tina found herself back in the silent night. She regretted not wearing her turquoise dress - it had long sleeves. Now she was stuck, shivering in the cold, all because Gene said orange brought out her eyes.

Looking up, Tina gazed at the stars, twinkling back to her. She'd often dreamt about her and Jimmy Jr's first dance at their wedding, stars above them and fairy light lanterns glowing around them. Fat chance of that now. Now he'd be doing his first dance with Tammy in some glitzy event hall whilst Tina cried in the toilet.

She threw her head into her lap and sobbed.

"Uhhh, Tina? You okay, girl?"

She looked up with a start to see Zeke stood there, looking extremely concerned. Quickly, she wiped a mixture of tears and snot from her face with her arm.

"Yeah," she lied. He sat down next to her, utterly unconvinced. They looked at each other for one second before Tina broke down again. "No! Everything's not fine! I was meant to do the spotlight dance with Jimmy Jr and then I looked over and he's doing it with Tammy! Now they're going to date and get married and have loads of Jimmy Jr Jr's."

"With Tammy?" Zeke spluttered, "Wow. I was only at the buffet table, paying a visit to the mini pizzas. Time really flies by when you ain't lookin." Tina didn't respond. She was looking at her shoes, despondently. Zeke was fixed firmly on her face. "For what's it's worth, T, I don't think you'da made it."

"Oh, you think Jimmy Jr is too good for me?" Tina shouted, angrily standing up whilst Zeke remained sitting, "That's all I ever hear! Oh Tina, you're not popular enough. Tina, you're weird. Tina, the wrinkles on your knees look like crying babies!"

Zeke cast a glance to her knees.

"Wow. They do."

"Well I've had enough! If you're going to be nasty about it, Zeke, just go inside and leave me alone!"

"Woah-oah! T-girl! That's not what I meant. I think you're too good for him."

Tina turned in surprise. He was stood, now looking at _his _shoes, scuffing them awkwardly into the stone steps.

"What?"

"I've always thought so. You're so nice and you're pretty and I never actually noticed that knee thing til you pointed it out." They both cast a single look to her knees before looking back up. He continued, "I always thought you were too good for J Ju. He's my best friend n all but he can be a real f-boy."

"What's an f-boy?"

"Fool-boy. I have a gay uncle and he's always getting boys making a fool of him. So that's probably what it means."

"Oh."

Tina sat slowly back down onto the step and Zeke followed her. The silence returned, but instead of being a cold silence, it was warm. Tina was smiling down at the ground, touching by his words. In return, he was smiling at her, glad to see he'd brought some sparkle back into her eyes.

"I didn't make this awkward, did I?"

She shook her head at the embarrassed Zeke. Even in the dark, she could see the red on his cheeks.

"No. That was really sweet. Thank you Zeke," Tina smiles reassuringly.

This was very new territory. Tina had never even considered Zeke as a romantic prospect, apart from that one day they saw that two-butted goat. But, in fairness, that was a whirlwind of a day so she'd brushed those thoughts off due to the excitement of it all.

Now, though...they were sat together in the moonlight and he was calling her pretty and getting embarrassed about it. She'd written chapters upon chapters of friendfiction about Jimmy Jr, based on this entire moment. There was even one where he got shot by a rival gang and died in her arms afterwards, but that was more of a Westside Story crossover. She'd have never imagined it would happen with Zeke. Yet, here they were.

"I don't know if J Ju told you already, but you look really something tonight, T. I'd be proud to dance with you and have you accidentally touch my butt. Or whatever. I don't know. I don't even have a butt," Zeke mumbled.

"He didn't. I told him that he looked like Patrick Swayze and...he, uh, ignored me. But I think he meant to tell me and just...forgot."

"Well, I told you. Also, T," Zeke braced himseld to finally admit his feelings when a car pulled up.

"Tina!" Bob shouted, "Come on. We need to get home soon. Louise convinced your mom to call Gail and Gretchen and now they're doing a weird ritual to curse Jimmy. Also, they're all drunk."

"I have to go," Tina sighed, getting up, "Thanks for sitting with me, Zeke. It wasn't the school dance I dreamt of, but it was still really good."

And she kissed him gently on the cheek and got into the car. Zeke held his hand gently over where she'd kissed him and watched as she vanished into the night.

"Tina, why are you kissing Zeke?" Bob asked.

"You gotta strike whilst the irons hot, dad. I think things are gonna be changing around here."

"Well...you seem happier. I think. Does this mean you like Zeke now?"

"Dad, I'm just a young girl, moving on from a rotten f-boy. The world is my oyster."

"Don't- don't say 'f-boy'."


	2. Tindapendent Woman (Sorry Linda)

Zeke stood awkwardly by his locker, barely listening whilst Jimmy Jr chatted to him whilst retrieving his textbooks. He twiddled his thumbs and looked up and down the hallway, quickly scanning every face to see if any of them were Tina.

"She seemed really mad, Zeke. Do you think she'll ever talk to me again?" Jimmy asked, turning to face his agitated friend.

"Wha? What- what are you asking me for, J-Ju? I didn't see her," Zeke snapped back in reply.

"I don't even like Tammy. Plus, she farted on me when we were slowdancing. I really hope Tina doesn't think I'm dating her now."

Zeke thought for a moment and turned to his best friend.

"So...you do like Tina?"

Jimmy Jr shrugged and began to walk to class. Lagging slightly behind, the guilt Zeke was feeling was growing and growing. He _had _to stop thinking about Tina, before this got any worse.

"Oh, Tina's here," Jimmy Jr whispered to Zeke.

"Crud," Zeke whispered to himself.

"It's fine, I have my story straight," the taller boy replied before starting to wave to the passing girl, "Hey, Tin...a."

Jimmy Jr trailed off as Tina barged past, completely ignoring him. Both boys watched as she vanished around the corner without so much as a glance back.

"Oh wow," Zeke exclaimed, "That was so frosty my nups could be flicked off."

"Crap," Jimmy Jr sighed, "I've really blown it this time."

'_Yeah,' _Zeke thought to himself, "_You're not the only one.'_

"How did I do?" Tina asked her brother and sister who were lurking round the corner she'd just bathed her way to.

"You need way more aggression!" Gene yelled, "Did you even listen to that Taylor Swift CD I leant you?"

"No, my CD player is still broken from when you put cheese in there," Tina replied sadly.

"Dad told me it would play a short film about cows!"

"Look, T, I think you did great. I don't think anyone you can tell you cried last night. For four hours," Louise replied.

Tina sighed. Last night had been rough. Seeing Jimmy Jr slowdance with anyone would have been a nightmare, but _Tammy. _Her heart was a slug and Jimmy Jr has just dumped a handful of salt on it. Strangely, Zeke, of all people, had made her feel better. In fact, he'd been the highlight of her night. Thinking about that night made her heart both ache and...flutter a little. She thought about what he'd said about her being too good for Jimmy Jr.

"Guys. I have come to a decision. I am finished with Jimmy Jr."

"Oh, wow," Louise exclaimed, genuinely surprised, "I didn't think this day would ever come."

"Neither did I," Tina determinedly said, "But I can do better."

Gene spat the straw of his juice box out, where it unfortunately landed in Tina's hair.

"Who told you that?"

"Zeke did," Tina smiled and made her way to her class.

"Wait..._what_?" Louise gasped, "Since when does Tina talk to Zeke?"

"Tina, can we please just _talk_?" Jimmy Jr begged, exasperatedly, following Tina down the hall.

"I'm finished talking. So start walking," she replied.

Zeke watched them go and sighed. He'd always held a flame for Tina but the previous night had turned it into a full on fire. Just like when his dad attached a firework to the woodshed. He didn't think it was a big deal until he saw how torn up Jimmy Jr was over losing Tina.

"Wow, that was hard to watch, right Gene?" Louise loudly asked from one side of Zeke.

"Why, yes," Gene replied, even louder, "It would seem our sister, Tina Belcher, is completely over Jimmy Pesto Jr, Zeke's best friend."

Zeke turned to the two younger kids, who were blatantly looking at him.

"What do you two know?"

"Not much," Louise shrugged, pretending to examine her nails, "Just that _supposedly _Tina talked to someone after the dance last night and now she _supposedly _is over Jimmy Jr. _Supposedly_."

Zeke sighed. He knew Louise and Gene would figure something out eventually. They knew more about Tina's life than Tina did. Unfortunately, he knew that Louise was sneaky and Gene was hungry.

"What do you want, Louise? If you wanna blackmail me, you better just say cuz I don't pick up hints very well."

Gene and Louise spoke simultaneously.

"We want-"

"Money."

"Matchmaking!"

"Gene, no!" Louise scolded her brother, "We were meant to be getting money so we wouldn't tell Jimmy Jr what he did, remember. We planned it like two seconds ago!"

"Yeah, and I decided one second ago, that I didn't want to do that. Tina might be about to find true love, dammit!"

"Eurgh I knew I can't do any diabolical plots with you after you've watched Mamma Mia!" Louise groaned, "You get all girl power-y."

Louise began to tug at her ears, cursing and stomping her feet. Gene ignored her.

"Listen, Zeke. Our Tina is a wily woman. You'll need our help to seduce her."

Zeke stared at where Tina had just been. He liked her. A lot. But, maybe Jimmy Jr did too. And Jimmy Jr was his best friend.

"No, thanks. I...I don't like Tina. She's...gross. Yeah," Zeke shouted and ran off, pretending to vomit.

Louise and Gene watched as he disappeared round the corner.

"That was...weird," Gene frowned.

"And not very convincing. Ugh, how are we meant to blackmail him if he won't admit he likes Tina!" Louise shouted. She pointed to Gene, "This is your fault. Why couldn't you just go along with the plan?"

"Because! I thought it would be nice for Tina. She's having a hard time right now and I'm sick of that Jimmy Jr. Dancing all over the place with that great hair….he's no good for Tina!"

Louise thought about this and sighed.

"Fine. I guess...Tina's happiness is more important than blackmailing stupid Zeke. Speaking of, I have a pressing matter to attend to."

Zeke threw a load of cold water over himself in the boy's bathroom.

"C'mon, Zeke, get it together! Bros before hoes! Wrestling over kissing!"

He stood, exasperatedly before the mirror and stared at his reflection. His sad, pathetic, _soggy _expression.

"Zeke. We need to have a talk tonight after school," came a sinister voice. He turned towards the men's bathroom door and gasped.


	3. Let's Roll Baboons

**So I accidentally uploaded chapter 2 early and unfinished and didn't notice for over a week so if you thought it ended really weird, it did. If this chapters rushed it's because I tried to put it out on the same night as re-uploading chapter two, just to avoid confusion on people following this story etc...SORRY**

Zeke gasped at the person stood behind him in the boy's bathroom.

"You!"

Louise looked at him in annoyance.

"Obviously it would be me. Who else would it be?"

Zeke shrugged.

"You don't know what I get up to. There could be a whole buncha people after me, girl."

Louise groaned and dragged Zeke out into the hall, praying that he'd washed his hands, even if he didn't go to the bathroom. The boy's room was beyond gross. They stood in the empty corridor.

"Where the heck is everyone?"

"Class, dummy. It's last period but a certain someone and I have an important matter to discuss with you," Louise replied, leading him down the hall towards the gym.

"Who is it?" Zeke gasped yet again.

"Duh? Obviously Gene?"

Louise pushes Zeke into a small storage cupboard where Gene was already waiting, writing furiously on a whiteboard used for tactical diagrams. It was dark and stunk of rubber from all the basketballs and sweat from all the sweat.

"Zeke, you get clearly have a crush on our sister. And, therefore, we have decided to help you because Tina needs all the help she can get, and from the looks of it, so can you."

"But...it's impossible! I can't do that to J-Ju, no matter how much I like Tina!" Zeke groaned.

"Gene, show our friend here the plan we have orchestrated," Louise asked.

Gene moves aside to show a stick figure in a cowboy hat, sat gleefully upon a dolphin.

"That is a good plan!" Zeke exclaimed in wonderment.

"Gene! What the heck is that?"

"It's my albino friend, Ken. He's debating becoming a dolphin trainer," Gene explained, going into a whisper, "It's a midlife crisis."

Louise shoved Gene aside and span the board round to show a complex diagram, complete with bullet points and a terrible drawing of Tina in the middle, seemingly with three boobs.

"Okay, Zeke, you have just entered Phase One of '_Zekda: OcarTina of Time'_," Louise exclaimed.

"And love!"

Zeke took a moment to soak all this in, like how all the basketballs around them had soaked all that children's sweat in. He really liked Tina, he had for a long time. Plus, he knew he would treat Tina right and that's what she deserved. Hell, maybe he deserved it too.

"I'm in! Tina! I'm gonna get ya, girl!"

"Yes!" Gene exclaimed, holding his fists into the air, "Mamma Mia, here we go _again_!"

"Mom!" Louise and Gene shouted as they walked into the restaurant, Zeke following slowly behind, "Mom, is Tina here?"

"No, sweetie, I gave her the day off. She's had a hard few days. Plus, she's got this whole self confident thing going on so I've hid some of my lipsticks and perfumes around our room so she can pretend to steal them, it's fun."

"Well, we can't work today either. We're setting Tina up with Zeke and we need the basement to do Phase One."

"It's got a whole Mamma Mia vibe!" Gene explained, with a flourish. Linda clapped her hands.

"Aw! Look at my little cupids! Bobby isn't this sweet?"

"Wait, what? No, kids I need you to work, I'm already short staffed as it is!" Bob shouted from the kitchen. Linda pulled the curtain shutter down on him.

"Quick, kids, run!"

"Bye, Mrs B!" Zeke yelled as they ran downstairs, amidst the angry shouting of Bob.

"He'll make such a good son in law!" Linda whispered to herself.

Once they were in, Louise produced a large piece of paper, covered in drawings of girls from their school.

"So, Phase One. We need to get Jimmy Jr with another girl so you don't feel bad about getting with Tina. Personally I think this Phase is redundant seeing as if Jimmy Jr has feelings, he wouldn't lead Tina on but whatever."

"Tammy is already a no go!" Gene exclaimed, colouring her face in with a big, red marker, "It can't be anyone Tina doesn't like otherwise all her attention will be on Jimmy Jr and his fantastic hair."

"How about Chloe Barbash?" Louise asked.

"No way, sister! You think her terrible dancing could keep up with Jimmy Jr? She was in my gym and she dances like a chip packet in the wind!" Gene shouted.

"Well then, _Gene_, maybe you should date him!"

"Well then, _Louise_, maybe I should!"

"Wait!" Zeke exclaimed, shutting them both up, "What about _her_?"

Tina was sat in the cafeteria, alone and loving it. This new 'independent woman' thing was still very new, seeing as it had been going on for two days, but it had completely changed Tina's outlook on life. Previously, eating alone would have made her so self-conscious but now, she felt empowered.

"Like, ew, why is Tina sat on her own?" Jocelyn exclaimed to Tammy and Jimmy Jr, "It's, like, so totally sad."

"She's become an independent woman," Jimmy Jr explained, looking down at his despondent mash potatoes, "She doesn't need men anymore."

"Oh my gosh! Tina's, like, totally, a lesbian!" Tammy screamed, "She's gonna look at my training bra when we get changed for gym."

Tina, who had been ear-wigging because independent women still like to hear what the boy they're totally over is saying about them, slammed her plastic cutlery down. It didn't make as satisfying a noise as she'd have hoped but it still got everyone's attention.

"Actually, Tammy, if I was gonna look at anyone's boobs, it would be mine because I don't need a training bra. I am a strong, independent, boobiful woman with a real bra."

"Y-Yeah? So?" Tammy squealed, "My bra came from Victoria's Secret, yours was like, totally, from the dollar store."

"You can't buy real boobs from the dollar store, Tammy. So if you're happy with your expensive bra and boob pads, I'll keep my real boobs and dollar store bra."

A deafening silence fell over the cafeteria as Tammy stood defeated with her boob pads and Tina remained seated with her real boobs and her victorious mashed potato. Then, there came a small whisper.

"Tammy wears boob pads."

"Tammy wears boob pads."

It evolved into a chant as every Wagstaff student who was there, joined together in one beautiful chorus, making fun at a girl who'd made fun of them, either to their face or behind their backs. Tammy excelled at both.

"Tammy wears boob pads! Tammy wears boob pads!"

"No, no, no, no!" Tammy screamed, as her reputation as the hottest girl in their grade slowly slipped away, despite her claim to that title being passive at best.

Jocelyn stood in the midst of this madness, torn between her loyalty to her best friend and the desire to be popular. Horrified, she looked from the chanting students who were behind Tina to her best friend, black eyeliner tears welling in her eyes and nervous farts escaping from her rear.

"Jocelyn! Don't!" Tammy threatened, "Without me, you'd be a nobody! The only reason you have any friends is totally because of me and if you turn against me now, I'll make sure you never have any friends again!"

"Ugh, you know what, _Tammy_?" Jocelyn spat back, "Id, like, rather have no friends than be friends with you! You're a total boob punch and I like totally suit a side ponytail better than you!"

Jocelyn ran into the crowd, joining in the merry chant about Tammy's lack of breasts. Tammy turned to the one person still on her end of the cafeteria, who was still looking into his somehow _more despondent _pile of mashed potatoes.

"You're still my friend, right?"

"No, Tammy," Jimmy Jr scowled, getting up, "It's all because you you that Tina doesn't like my anymore. Maybe you should also get some heart pads to make your heart bigger because you're just a _bitch_!"

The chanting ceased. Mouths silently fell open. An erie chill fell over the canteen. A bit of mashed potato dripped onto Jimmy Jr's shoe. Dread struck everyone's hearts simultaneously. Jimmy Jr had used the..._b word_.

"A...a bitch?" Tammy whimpered. Jimmy Jr looked down at the floor, refusing to meet anyone's discerning gaze.

"I...I didn't mean…" he began. It was too much for Tammy, who ran sobbing from the canteen.

"Oh, my god, Tin-ur you like totally roasted Tammy!" Jocelyn exclaimed as people gathered round.

"That's what independent women do," she replied.

"Well, you're, like, the most popular girl in school now!"

Tina looked round at her adoring fans, Jimmy Jr a sad speck in the background behind them. _This_...this was her new life. Her new beginning.

"Come on, baboons. Let's roll."

**I know I promised to try and get this up last Tuesday but I didn't want to rush it and I had a load of excuses too but they don't matter haha…thanks for reading!**


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